


Kaidan Alenko and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

by flynnXrathbone



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Developing Friendships, Gen, Humor, Kaidan gets carsick, Mako mission, Mass Effect 1, POV Kaidan Alenko, Profanity, Riding in the Mako is the absolute worst, thresher maws are also pretty terrible
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-07
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-06-06 23:22:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,141
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6774379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flynnXrathbone/pseuds/flynnXrathbone
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The team takes a ride in the Mako, much to Kaidan's discomfort.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kaidan Alenko and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Kaidan Alenko was not having a good day. As the Mako M35 jolted mercilessly over Nepheron's volcanic crags, the handsome lieutenant's face contorted in an agonized grimace, sweat beading on his forehead. 

"Umm... everything alright, LT?" asked gunnery chief Ashley Williams. "You don't look so hot."

"Commander Shepard. Please. Pull over. Ma'am," he managed to croak, and the vehicle stopped abruptly. 

"Will do," his CO quipped, "but remember I warned you to use the can before we left the Normandy." 

Shepard opened the hatch and Kaidan stumbled onto the dusty plateau, gasping for air and shielding his eyes from the sudden glare of the alien sun. He doubled over, hands on his knees, trying to master his overwhelming dizziness and nausea. He could feel the weight of his new team's gaze on him, could hear them whispering, as he struggled to push the sensations away. "...seemed alright... don't know..." "...ever happened before?" He retched violently, and the world seemed to right itself. 

He coughed, rinsed his mouth with a swig from his canteen, and slunk back to the vehicle, thoroughly embarrassed. Ash gave him a sympathetic smile, but he pretended not to notice, fiddling intently with the settings on his biotic amp. 

"Permission to speak freely, ma'am?" 

"Granted, chief." 

The rover gave a sickening jolt, and began a nearly vertical climb. 

"It's just... we're not really in a rush today, are we? Since we're just scouting for minerals?" 

"Get to the point, Williams. What's on your mind?"

Kaidan swore he could feel his insides liquefying with the pull. Then, without warning, the Mako shuddered to a halt and began to slide backwards. Kaidan closed his eyes and reopened them immediately, regretting his choice.

"Well, I've been studying the nav feed, and it looks like you could drive around some of these peaks, ma'am." 

"And why would I do that, Williams?" Shepard demanded. "The richest deposits are usually in the mountains." 

Ash flushed a little, and Kaidan groaned internally. Not again. He hated having to justify his worth, to prove that he could handle assignments even when his L2 implant was flaring up. "Commander Shepard? Please don't change the route on my account, ma'am. I won't interfere with the mission." 

But the commander had already steered the vehicle onto more even terrain. "Not to worry, Alenko, it looks like it's your lucky day. Williams, are you getting this on your screen?" 

The Mako eased down a gradual slope towards a broad plain. At the far edge of the expanse, nestled at the foot of some gentle hills, a large mineral formation lay visible to the naked eye. Kaidan breathed a tiny sigh of relief. If they could gather metals without sticking his guts in a blender, he certainly wasn't going to argue. This deposit just might be large enough that the commander would radio Joker for immediate pickup. Best not get his hopes up, though. If all he got was a brief respite from his crippling nausea, he'd be grateful. 

Shepard pushed the throttle forward, racing towards the rocky outcrop, and Kaidan realized his optimism had been premature. Ash sat alert, scanning the secondary nav screen with purpose. Infantry had to develop strong stomachs early, he thought ruefully. She'd probably logged more rover hours than him and the commander put together. Kaidan pressed his temples, gently massaging his aching skull and willing his implant to chill the hell out.

"Ma'am?" Ash called urgently. "I'm picking up some unusual readings str—"

A booming, subterranean rumble shook the craft violently, pitching it onto its side momentarily before the gyroscopes righted it. "Williams, guns!" the commander yelled, her face grim. "And Alenko—hang tight." She pulled the wheel sharply, and as the Mako spun, he caught a glimpse of their pursuer. It was so much bigger than it looked in the vids. And louder. The thresher maw's shriek reverberated inside the vehicle, and Kaidan winced in pain. 

Shepard abruptly pulled the throttle back, and the Mako reversed. Kaidan covered his mouth, tasting bile. He breathed in through his nose, waited, exhaled. Again: breathe in, hold, breathe out. Just stay calm, and fight the surging tide of stomach acid and partially digested MRE. 

"It's not taking damage, ma'am!" 

"Just keep firing, Williams. And Alenko, I'm going to need you to reload the missile launcher." 

"Yes, ma'am," he replied, biotics crackling. 

It took all his concentration and precision to gingerly lift the shell and place it in the chamber. "Williams, locked and loaded!" he called, raising his voice to be heard over squealing treads and xeno-reptilian screams. The shell found its mark and the giant beast recoiled, although not before searing the Mako's hull with acid saliva. "Alenko, Williams can load the next one," Shepard yelled, swerving the vehicle wildly and jamming the throttle forward. "We'll need you to patch us up." 

They rattled back up the slope past range of the beast's venom, overheated electronics filling the rover with acrid black smoke. Choking and coughing, eyes watering uncontrollably, Kaidan pried open the cache of omni-gel and began applying it liberally to the worst damaged areas. "Sit tight, team," Shepard said. "I'm going to vent our ride while the gel sets and the shields recharge." Kaidan patiently watched for the color change indicating the gel had hardened. In this temporary reprieve from mortal danger and adrenaline, he grudgingly acknowledged his still-churning stomach. 

"OK, break time's over," Shepard growled. "Let's blast this fucker to kingdom come."

He'd been wrong to think the day couldn't get any worse. The commander's strategy to take down the gargantuan prehistoric monster threatening to crush them, rover and all, between its colossal fangs, seemed to consist entirely of doing donuts and figure eights at top speed while cursing full volume. Granted, the shells he kept loading were having some effect, but even Ash couldn't maintain her normal level of accuracy while Shepard careened haphazardly to avoid the lethal acid. When circling around the thresher maw brought them too close to danger, Shepard would fire the thrusters, and worst of all, let out a whoop of sheer unbridled delight as the Mako floated, momentarily weightless, over the jet of acid and crashed back to the ground.

As the terrifying predator finally breathed its last, sinking to the earth with a monumental crash and cloud of dust, Kaidan couldn't hold it in any longer. He heaved uncontrollably, splattering what looked like the past week's worth of rations all over the Mako floor. "Damn, Alenko, I just polished my armor!" Shepard laughed. 

"Commander Shepard," Kaidan replied, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, "you're a real asshole. All due respect, ma'am." 

Shepard guffawed, slapping him heartily on the back, while Ash howled with laughter. Kaidan grinned, discomfort temporarily forgotten, as he realized that he wouldn't need to fear special treatment from his new teammates.


End file.
